“Monotonous. Boring. Autopilot. Tedious. Stagnant.” These would’ve been my choice words if you asked me to describe my work days, or just the way I felt in general during my 3 years with the state. Complain about any boring job, though, and there’s always someone who “has it worse.” I can’t tell you how many times I heard the words “Who DOESN’T hate their job?”
Except here’s the thing we need to realize… those people have nothing to do with me, or you. We don’t owe them anything because they’re too scared and indifferent to make a change. Just because someone else is fine wasting 70% of their life being unhappy (I made up that statistic, I don’t really know how much time people on average spend working) doesn’t mean you and I are required to feel the same.
My Personal Experience at a Boring Job
When I was a kid I didn’t daydream about staring at a computer talking to people about their taxes for 9 hours a day in order to EVENTUALLY (like when I retire) be financially secure. If you’re anything like me, you still dream of living to your full potential and personally, I wasn’t living at all while I was at my boring state job, it was quite the contrary.
3 years after landing the glorified California state job that everyone else seems to dream of, I had somehow totally lost track of my original plan to become a graphic designer and kept listening to everyone else’s incredibly loud opinions. “Benefits! Paid Time Off! Pot Lucks!” Ok yeah, that all sounded great, but you see, I am a 100% right brained, artsy weirdo who is constantly singing out loud, needs to feel inspired and entertained, and my sense of humor comes directly from having every South Park episode in existence memorized. Let’s be real, most jobs within the state don’t cater to that kind of person.
Fast forward 3 years, and I somehow became a Lead in the call center of our state tax agency. “How the heck did I get here?” was quite literally a question I asked
myself about 38 times a day. The answer was simple: I needed to pay my bills. I was beyond unhappy, and it showed. “What do you do?” was a question I LITERALLY DREADED HEARING. It would make my heart sink because I hated the answer.
I can not begin to describe how awful it feels to lose hope and to begin to lose yourself; to walk around every day for year after year on auto pilot because you just know deep down that, although others would love to be in your position, you’re just not where YOU are supposed to be. I would think to myself that I felt like I was operating at only 25% Cristina. It was hard to remember what it felt like to be happy or excited. I had a genuine laugh maybe once a week if at all. (In hindsight, God bless my boyfriend, family and friends for sticking around, personality-wise I pretty much resembled an uncooked potato.)
What Suddenly Clicked?
I am an artist, but I hadn’t drawn or painted in years. I would insta-stalk disney artists, bloggers, and other designers dreaming of living their life as if it was some fairy tale, until one day it dawned on me that it isn’t a fairy tale, it’s an actual thing that can happen to actual people so long as they put work into their dream… What the heck was holding me back from quitting my job and working for myself full time as an artist and a blogger?
Oh yeah, my bills…
and I mean.. either way, who quits their high-paying, secure state job when they have a house to pay for?
Someone who decides that in this case “taking the leap” would mean selling my house and using the profit to pay off all my debt, quitting my job and starting from scratch.
It all happened with such perfect timing, and I thank that still, small voice for telling me I CAN. To have faith in myself and more importantly in His plan for me. Whether I’ll be able to do this or whether I fail and end up somewhere else, I can say with 100% certainty that this was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life and I haven’t felt this happy in almost 4 years. I’m back to singing and laughing and keep catching myself smiling for no reason. In a matter of 2 days I’ve had three separate friends/family members say I seem like a completely different person.
“Happier and younger.”
I’ll take that over eventual financial security any day.
In a Nutshell
There is absolutely nothing in this world, not money, not security, NOTHING worth losing your sense of self for. If anything in your life is making you feel that way then you need to take the leap and make a change. I’m not saying by any means that it will be easy. It will be difficult, people will doubt you and that’s where your faith in yourself steps in. Regardless of how scary that leap/change may seem, it is never too late to follow your dreams. It is never too late to take control of your own life. Regardless of whatever it is holding you back, stop telling yourself it’s too late to start over or try again.